we have talked about relationships, in particular his. I think I know whats going on. A person experiencing dementia might display love and hate to their caregiver within the same few moments. He says his feelings havent changed for me he just needs time to clear his head. And I am starting to believe there is really no fixing this, no going back, so much darkness has fallen over me over the last few weeks. Hi Robert So she said same thing over a month ago and I respect that. Her friends say if she really didnt want anything to do with me, she wouldve gotten rid of them or gave them back. It was so weird, I couldnt figure out what was going on and stayed that way until just months ago. We were friends for a long time beforehand but lived in different countries. It has been nearly a year and I continue to have good and bad days. Dear Dr. Deb, I am now in therapy and dealing with my issues, should I let my wife go? Please help me. I was so lost and confused. That was the worst 2 weeks of my life. What should i do I need help from anyone at this point Need advise. Youre asking a good question. . And after a brief period of space I contacted my emotional affair partner who, incidentally, is willing to give up his life (he is partnered but it is more of an mental partnership/friendship than any romance which doesnt give it any less meaning, but I know I was his great love of his life). (we have a home together and pets that are like children) but I am torn. Im currently in a worse situation. Thats what she wasnt. You met in your senior year. My BF and I have been together for 6 years have 2 kids together. So many emotions, and I dont know what to do. Hi, And why I think that cause he wouldent even talk to me till he seen me with someone else. And then HE cheated and he doesnt want to give YOU another chance??? One year down the line.. he started liking his job, he settled in finally.. but the attitude towards me did not change. Her sense of security, her trust in herself that she is a great person cannot come from you. I started going to therapy and it has done wonders. Any suggestions or ideas or advice is greatly appreciated. convince herplease doctor deb what can I do, am I miss him he misses me he comes back and the argument s over bills and his kids happen all over again. Furthermore, the fact that he did NOT go to counseling and also did not divorce his wife (in the beginning) means he was not trying to fix his problem. I have been with my bf for 7 years. One day I was at work and he got angry not because if me, but he wanted to take it on me on the phone. Booking a table or tickets for two can sometimes backfire if things dont go well between you both, so instead, say something like let me take you to dinner next week when she tells you that her birthday is coming up. Im moving out for the 3rd time and I fear I am making a mistake, that I may lose him forever, but at the time it feels right, but after talking it doesnt but I already have the place took $ out of as a loan on my 401k but I didnt sign the lease and I know my friends would say Im being stupid for staying. We werent together officially but the purpose was to get closer to having a real relationship. Im just doing what I can to show him Im serious about my personal changes, and serious about a real future with him. For sufferers, the affair remains a black hole permanently fixed at. I love him, as my spouse and the father of my children, but I want that in love feeling back and Im having trouble opening myself up again to him in order to be able to feel that. sometimes we dont argue and we talk about the arguments and we both vow to do better and it goes right back to square one. I called this wedding off due to his drinking and drug use. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. All friends and family who I discussed this with thought I should leave him but no one but him and I could understand that we had such a deep connection despite his actions. This man really does make me a better person, but there have been other lies in our relationship from him I dont know what to do honestly. he said that he cant provide me anything because he is broke and lots of responsibilities, he came to a point that he realized that he will be turning 30 next yr but he still does not achieve anything in his life, he feels lost and confused and that made him confused as well towards his feelings for me. She said breakups are hard when you have kids, and her kids were still attached to her ex boyfriend, she had trouble telling them to move on. He also has another less popular twitter account which I also hacked. So confused! On the surface in the beginning on good behavior and then the same ole same ole is back. Great, Jessica! Alternatively, he would benefit from my course. I just want to be with him but he wont respond. Why he did it. Please comment me back and give me some advice. From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. What hurt was that he completely ignored me. Hes a very lost little boy even though hes 42 hes very lost and Im hoping he can be found that he can find himself. I keep them written in my heart, and two who were so much more are forever to have touched my soul. So let me ask you a funny question. I dont want to ever hurt him again, but at this point, I feel like hes punishing me. However Shes going through a phase where she feels she needs to find herself which I completely understand. Thats what he keeps telling me this time is forto work on ourselves. I love him and i dont want to ever lose him. She said not long ago I do love and I do miss you but its hard for me to be with you right now she said she wants to be friends and before I said I dont think I can and this was before I we had started our initial break. prove to her how much u need her. She actually mentioned that she thinks the reason she let her coworker into her life is because he is confident. I have realized that the feelings of being unappreciated and lonely is probably how she has felt over the years with the focus of our lives being on our children. I know he loves me very much he says he needs me but I need him to love a need himself first. I think we go back to the sexy part: Be INDEPENDENT, not dependent, emotionally, when you talk to him. The second month had been a bit easier but on our 4 year wedding anniversary she couldnt bring herself to buy me a card. I cant ever tell him because once I told him Id kissed another guy and he couldnt take it.I cant imagine telling him I had sex with more than a few guyshe would die or kill someonemy question iswhat do I do??? Three things: 1. work on calming yourself. The Emotionally Distant Husband marriagemissions.com/the-emotionally-distant-husband/ She told me if she had not cheated on me, she would definitely stay with me. Mixed messages!! You must submit your life to Christ. 5 Manage conflicts. He wanted a divorce all along and this thing aggravated more. I now have divorced my husband and am learning to love myself and focus on my children. So I just feel stuck! Several hours had passed since we had made the plans and had not heard from him so i sent him a text. Promises wouldnt be enough. id never done anything with anyone until id left. i never had the courage to tell him because i thought somewhere that this will hurt him a lot . I dont know how to carry on without him in my life. Now she has shut down and has said it can NEVER be the same. Now we are at a crossroads where Ive hurt him so much that he cant let go and cant forgive me, even though all these events happened at least 2years ago. Make a point to have fun in each other's presence. Very passionate, she sent me cute text messages multiple times a day and each time we were together she would text afterwards how amazing it felt to be with me. Because after all that , I now only realize how much feelings Ive developed for him. I knew hed done this in spite of me because of all the arguing we have had over the past couple of weeks. I was very happy and excited but can feel he is closing himself up . I myself was finally three weeks go able to work past what was done to me and I wanted to fix things with him because I didnt want to lose someone so special to me and he broke up with me. in love with me but the thing is it was a long Hi Shay, I, to this day, spoil him but making him happy no longer brings me joy I just do it because I always have. He didnt however, and 2 days later I ended up alone with his phone by chance. My husbands explanation to all of this is that they were Just friends & that he wanted a closer friendship so began calling her in order to build this. So you have allowed one person into your inner world, in the course of being together, and each step of the way you felt understood. and i accept my mistake that i have been a brat and lied to him. Should i let him go because i dont deserve him or should i stay and try to win him back? I choose to love myself and to aim for my own happiness. I would rather see YOU give him the oral sex dressed up in a way that excites your and his imagination. Hi my name is Ashley I know I may be only sixteen right now except I have been in four relationships so far and right now I am in my fifth relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. You will have to work hard on yourself to be a better person. Meaning dating cuz I hurt her but I didnt go with no one like Ive been told she has.and if thats happened I wont be able. but i think he want it to work because he is hanging around to see if things will change in my behaviour. But you cannot be his therapist. Thank you. Make some effort to plan things out After reading this and speaking with my therapist and sponsor, I know that I need to give it time and be loving and kind no matter what, but I have no felt this distant from her, ever. Hi John Just today, he decided to call a therapist. So we had signed a lease as she we were moving for her work and I was honestly fine with that. I would ask him to come along to some of the events. As I work with technology solutions it didnt take me long to confront her with this additional info. He even referenced your blog postthe part about doing this backwards. Focus on loving yourself more than hating them When you are hurt, a lot of negative emotions like sadness, disbelief, and anger take over you. They talked as friends at first but then started showing each other there naughty areas. i want to keep the house, he doesnt, its so unfair. I hurt my boyfriend really bad today. He had come home drunk, posted negativity about me on social media and from that post received a message to his phone at 5am in the morning. And the fact that he was not working is because they didnt insist on it. And that means the first step is to love and appreciate yourself. Quotes tagged as "loving-someone" Showing 1-30 of 127. After my Graduation, I joined the US Army and have been doing great until this position. I keep ruminating on what Ive done. Hello DrDeb, Make some effort to plan things out But Im concerned this time the fight is too expensive. Usually systemic family therapists at a doctoral level would be best for the kind of situation you describe. I didnt know how to handle all the tough times with him losing his job and being lazy and depressed so I nagged at him which created more arguing. Perhaps you need to work a bit on your own sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. I have been unfaithful to my wife for 10 years. Hate can serve to preserve the closeness of a relationship. At this point I was still unaware of the abandonment issues. Other women. On and off and I figured that its because I have my guard up and because he hurt me. how will he know when enoguh is enough if i stay? She arrived a couple of hours later with her 2 teenage kids. INSAY IM SORRY,I TELL HER I WILL PROVE HER WRONG ABOUT ME, I WILL SET ASIDE MY INSECURITIES AND MEET HER, I CONTINUE TO TRY TO PLEASE HER. We have no children but know we want to fix our marriage. I kind of considered it a gift to him. I knew the guy from working with my ex. With proper therapy, he will be able to be more of himself, someone you can connect to. I leave for a week long work trip and ramp up my positive sweet texts to her and she just seems distant and not typical of herself, but just gives me enough for me not to question things openly. I made my mistake but I really do love him and want to be forever! Im honored that so many people have posted but I cant get so quickly to each one. He started to distance himself from me, which made me cling even more in desperation. It makes me feel special. But now she doesnt know what she wants. After talking it through a lot, I decided to give it a second go. She is taking money from me but goes home and sleep with her baby father who doesnt give her fig leaf. I dont want to keep hurting him. And i tried to do so physically. Ps; he has said he wants a year apart. I want to be the rock she can lean on.. he is pushing me away. Lets say everything works out and you get married and now it years later, you are 40 and just had your breasts removed because of cancer (God forbid). It was one of the most confusing and hardest things Ive ever done, wondering why I was causing myself so much pain and leaving the first girl I have truly loved. He is waiting on an answer but it is killing him inside I know. Ww have fallen into a vicious circle. I believe it because I made this girl who she is. I was sure this was the end of my marriage, there was no fixing this this time. She would tell people that I would always only be the stupid girlfriend nothing more because she would be the on,y wife he would ever have. So time goes by his parents start fighting, they end up divorcing I dont know if it is the main cause for everything but he starts pulling away from me. She accepted it at first but later would take advantage of it. I have verbally abused my girlfriend and destroyed her emotionally, but she still loves me and says that she is confused about what she wants to do with us and mentions that only time will tell. Y is that ? So she said I live with his mother. Also,why wont he give us a chance and at least try. I continued to work through the bills across a period of 6 months & noting in bright hi-lighter every call he had made to her. This person cheated on me many times, but I was still there by them when they were going through their addictions and trying to fight them. I confronted him and I was absolutely done but I was still in a lot of pain and he then would send me long messages every morning (like this one ) trying to apologie and asking for one more chance and etc it was a huge blow out. all this is scaring me and am thinking abt it 24*7 . I have been working on me and myself becoming a better person being the Maria that I truly am. At first it felt like a dream until he hurt me once more. Am I simply too jealous? Its way too confusing for him. For both of us. And Id have done that for him cos we do that occasionally. So I admitted and I told my wife what had happened. i feel im cheating myself by staying and im not in love anymore. If people are blamers and dont do ANY reflection on themselves, its not a great formula for marriage. He hasnt. She said I played her and ask that. We I thought worked through it and I moved our family there. She just told me yesterday that shes looking for a place just for herself and her baby. Until the time arrived for him to choose between two different jobs, one in his country and one in the country where I live. any advice, I have been in this situation before and its not easy. I still feel betrayed at the most basic level of the one person I trusted most in this world. I call her and ask her why? I cant forgive him and Im not in love with him anymore. Im afraid to say you will have to make other living arrangements for yourself or for him in order to get the message across. I dont know if I should be patient or if I have to do something drastic to save the relationship. since we have this money issues i dont demand something new to try with him, i let him know that i understand his situation. Im lost and confused. And they are important for your own happiness in life. She tells me she doesnt her self yet her friends say she does? about 8 months ago I found that person. He says hes changed and wants to be a better husband and father. But Ive damaged him so severely now, that I cant break through to him anymore. Will I ever be able to get over this and look at him with the same eyes I used to? Bt last month my own cousin brother seduce me and unluckily I had sex with him..as I was very much tensed by this.. And my boyfriend recognised this and I told him everything and now he break up with me He hates me so much.. Im not sure that it is right of you to expect yourself to sweep this dust under the carpet. But about a week after that, we sat down and talked and it was the best conversation weve had in a long time. My husbands reasoning was better education opportunities for our daughters. If it was fear, then your husband has the work to do to be a different kind of presence for you. How can this be fixed? Oh yowies eeks!!!! The beginning of this year, my girlfriend and I of almost three years now had to move down to Vegas because of my work. Not to mention that if Im thinking shes the best possible girl I can be with, the next girl, whether it be her or another, will be ten times better. It happened a 2nd time & I questioned him. I love. He feels like I dont show him that I love him and it makes me sad because I do but I know deep down its the hurt thats caused me to become so guarded and cold towards him. Do you think my husband is really in love with his co worker like he says meaning theres just no chance of our marriage ever getting better and us not getting divorced. I graduated from North Carolina High School ( a public school ) and received my commission, I later joined the United States Army Academy because I could not go afford the University at that time so the US Government took care of my tuition. So (not proud to say) I hacked in to his SM accounts. Him now having a friend and moving so quickly makes me think he may be telling the truth this time. Wow your situation sounds much like mine but its the other way around. I landed in jail. I always thought my husband would stay..He never judged me, yelled at me, or did a single thing to hurt me. He cant look me in the eye, and when I ask why he says he feels so guilty. I resent him to the point where Im losing the love I have for him and I cant help it. Please do take the advice of the Good Therapy Team. I asked him to respect my decision to give my advice as I feel it was adequate = he said my decisions are shit. Over our 11 year relationship I have watched him grow into the man I wanted him to be the whole time he is now loyal, honest, less temperamental, and shows me more love than I could ever ask for but it took more than 9 years for this to happen and I often find myself treating him the way he treated me for so many years. He left the morning I was packing and he said it was because it was impossibly hard to watch me pack. I NEED HELP or at least some insight. She said that I proved many of her suspicions about males behavior toward women to be true in my actions, and it hurt me to the core to think that I resembled her rotten father. Somewhere in your life, anger was acceptable. I just dont get where hes coming from. I am completely broken. You must be patient, toowith your spouse and with yourself. he said its not gonna work because his feelings have changed somewhat its not as strong as before. Sit down and read new testament. Two days after that, he started calling me. I called two weeks later. I know I am a little later to this blog, but I wanted to ask your advice. Spark a Love Connection Keep smiling even when it hurts. The more we try to deny them, the more they try to muscle their way in. I told him over and over again that i have a problem with the way we are even before the proposal but he didnt really do anything about it. I am a highly responsible person who took care of my husband all this time, etc. He has walked away from all of them. But nothing more. It is NOT all about behavior. I just cant get over the feeling that I will get hurt again, sooner or later. I slowly over come it but it comes back now and then. Anyway, I would file an order on him and get him out my home. So I asked, when are toy spending time with me preferable overnight?. I confronted him again. Love = Giving. We are in a long-distance relationship, but we were a very happy couple. At the initial stages of my relationship with my current boyfriend, things could not have been better. ever since we found out her mom was moving, her attitude has changed very drastically in the sense where I can tell something is bothering her. In fact it was only Saturday night when my fianc told me it was over. Thanks for the advice Dr. Deb! Copyright 2011 by By Deb Hirschhorn, PhD. Hi Darkness Please change your nickname! He wants to be friends. He will be coming back to Nigeria in November to see his grandma and to see me for the very first time(as we started dating online). I had been texting him now I am not going to. Everything I say she says it is not good enough for her. We keep going back and forth about my actions last summer and how he doesnt believe I am being fully honest. And then left for her girlfriends house. She says had no more feelings anymore for me.but at the she time maybe its but does me that she still does have feelings for me. I had a 5 years of marriage. so over the course of 2 or 3 months Ive had this gut feeling that she wanted to move to Texas also. I felt hurt and back away , knowing he need time and space to settle his personal things. Usually the one word hides deep and sometimes painful feelings and attitudes. She is the only woman I have ever wanted to grow old with, and she is telling me that she might not want that anymore. I too loved him very much. :'( my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. The first step is to love myself and focus on my children I called this wedding off to. Being the Maria that I will get hurt again, sooner or later blamers and dont do reflection... That cause he wouldent even talk to me till he seen me with someone else my decision to give another! 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