"The first time, I was too young (23), got into it way too fast, and didn't pump the brakes when I knew it was headed off the rails. He became a really close friend, then more than that. My friends and family keep telling me "I told you" and like you, I have run out of things to say because it's absolutely true. You have to be proud of yourself in isolation." -- Carey Fan. Press J to jump to the feed. If you wish to start a family, then there might be emotional and physical barriers. Then when we tried to work it out 'for the kid,' she just wanted to convince me to pay for several of her bills (rent, utilities, etc.) And was still a thing, apparently. You don't have 10 years left. So if you're uncomfortable doing something, they need to accept that. He finally stood up to them for being really ugly to me and they refused to apologize and said they would do it again and he realized I was not just making it up. Submitted by stepmom29 on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 5:25pm, Submitted by stepmom29 on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 5:26pm. I will continue to focus on my career, hobbies , intrests and my friendsI keep hope alive I will bump into a man with common sense someday..but till then enjoy yourkids gents..I'm not your free hooker..lol! Speaking as a veteran in the dating scenes (and as a child-free person), I totally understand why a lot of ladies have a harder time wanting a relationship with a guy who has kids to take care of, regardless of how incredible he is as a person. He has made SD respect me once I pointed it out. #naggingwife #wife #funnymemes #marriage #funny. Thats a big no thanks for most ladies. My boyfriend however, really spoils her and things get pretty nasty here. No weekend off, no sick time, nothing. I rather date jerks, than stuck in this hell with a husband who refuses to compromise and acknowledge my feeling. ", RELATED:4 Big Mistakes I Made As A Wife (Psst! I wanted to marry my boyfriend, who, as per my belief, loved me more than anyone can love someone. I am a SM and I would like the men out there about this situation. Whatever I did, I did willingly. Is all that really worth it? Feeling change, and you cannot take back words that are spoken. DH's kids lived across the country and we saw them 2-3 times a year. And your resentment towards her and your bf will fester until you finally call it quits. my boyfriend/fiance is very laid back and his mentality is that if nobody is killing him or herself, things are not too bad. To have that mental peace. I struggled with visitation which was loosey goosey in the beginning. Unless, of course, youve been together for years and hes still keeping your relationship a secret, in which case alarm bells should start to ring. And when they get big, the problems get bigger. I would tell them to run for the hills. It was clear right away she didnt really forgive me and wasnt really trying to forgive me. My friends knew, my associates knew, her family knew, everybody knew but me. Submitted by dragonfly5 on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 12:03pm. I have days where I think it's worth it. Its time for step parents to draw the line, we shouldnt be expected to fix bio parents problems. The what if's, the missed opportunities, the lost ones, single lifeWell, if you are wondering what these regrets might be, here are the 15 biggest regrets dads will have in their lifetime. I don't fake it to DH anymore, granted I don't unload it all on him because it is just not worth it, but I don't sugar coat it, and he pretty much knows how I feel, but around other people I do because unfortunately, if you speak the truth you are going to be the bad guy, not them. He has BTDT, he already worships his first born. Also, if hes not putting his kid first, you probably dont want to date him because of what that says about his priorities and personality. It's about sharing the parenthood with someone you love and really appreciates what your bring. Thats the way it should be, but it might be tough for you to accept. Open and honest communication. IMO, that holds true for everyone, even those who don't have kids and are getting together (or married) for the first time. The only way it would get better is if your boyfriend woke up one day and suddenly changed his view of his daughter, was willing to change how he parents, and went to counseling etc. She did NOT grow out of it. Mary Mimi Schultz, a licensed professional counselor from Houston, explains this is often . We're living two completely separate lives. I'm not telling you to leave him, but you really have to think and decide if you are prepared for and willing to go through what is to come. It's really nice, it has been a new experience for both of us and a new dynamic. ", "Her dad became terminally ill around the time we got married and she never recovered after his death, despite my best efforts to get her medicated and into therapy. The oldest (now 15, was 12 when we started) is autistic but high functioning. If a single dad is the lover of your choice, expect both pros and cons in the relationship. Submitted by Ashleystepmom on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 11:21am. Dang cant make it I have to enjoy my peace and tranquility at home during that time. Fights all the time. That's is much worse, I think, than just hating his ex. Katy Barratt, 30, and Dan, 42, have been together for over a year. After all, dating a single dad can have its downsides, but there might be lots of upsides too. Day. vent over. Yes. Today, I think sex can get in the way of learning if you like the person. If youre feeling down about this, focus on the fact that it means you get to keep a lot more independence, and have more time for your friends and family. I don't step mom anymore. He probably knows how to do his laundry, cook up a storm, do his taxes, and handle any kind of social situation, and does his job well, without letting it take over his life. (same as OP- introduced her to my niece and nephew and they asked she never come againthey are 2 yrs younger) DH doesn't see it. Submitted by morethanibargai on Wed, 03/19/2014 - 9:21am. Submitted by Seriously7 on Wed, 04/21/2021 - 4:52pm. Grieve your loss then celebrate your youth and freedom. Who knows? The visitor is just that, a guest in the home. Her logic "my grand daughter is such a poor child. This situation is sooooo hard. Here, Kate reveals how dating a divorced man with a ready-made family has shaped . If you stay with this man your youthful age will never experience the joys of meeting the love of your life who is as free as you, having a honeymoon stage, laying in bed eating grapes LOL. With most women dreading the potential of being a single mom, it says volumes if you find out that hes divorced or that shes walked from him. In fact, new research shows that single and never-married men lead healthy, fulfilling lives full of friends, sensitivity, and resilience something that flies in the face of research that holds up marriage and family as the best and healthiest life destination for men. There are many men out there but remember if you are unhappy and you choose to live in hell that was your choice and you won't be able to blame anyone else. That means, being flexible and understanding about . How much does a typical custody battle cost? Any good father will be very wary of introducing a new partner to his kids too soon. With so many ladies wanting a Mr. oldone, hell no, you are not shallow, and feel free to say "I know better." The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. They're mutually exclusive, so something's gotta give. But generally, if hes got kids to care for, then a single dad will have his ducks in a row financially, professionally, and personally. I do however help her if she really needs it. Didn't necessarily have to be me. By the way, he also has 2 kids from his previous marriage who are now in their teens. My boyfriend/fiance's daughter is eight years old an I honestly highly doubt that she will ever leave. He then made a definitive schedule and stuck to it. The love was never mutual. "I don't think anyone thought we were going to get together," she says, "but we were attracted to each other and had a lot to talk about." Today, they've been together for 18 years, have two . He's giving you the opportunity to play a part in his kids' lives, and that's huge. Join and search! The book is an account of Gottlieb's experience as a single woman approaching her 40s. I hate the fact that I can only take care of her, but not discipline her. My SO and I have avoided lots of drama and I believe our relationship is still doing well after all these years simply because we chose to not get married. You have me worried. I would suggest you tell him you've thought about your living arrangement and it's best for you to move out. I am on my second marriage and we have been together for 10 years. If you feel trapped, then start moving towards independence. He has never been happy with her. It's important to voice fears and concerns in any relationship. Even if they are asleep, someone has to be around "if anything happens". She is socially awkward and as a result, EOWE I did stuff on my own, or we would stay home. And when you do finally meet them, you need to be aware that anything could happen. Him already being a parent might influence how he feels about having more kids with a new partner i.e. Your personality will get you a partner whether you have a kid or not. Sorry ladies, its true. I love my step daughter, don't get me wrong. Submitted by Greta007 on Wed, 04/21/2021 - 3:23pm. Submitted by Comfortably Numb on Mon, 02/10/2014 - 5:20am. I love my husband but I reallllly don't like him. I am miserable everyday because I don't want to leave my boyfriend. I just cannot bond or love other people's kids especially when she is impossible. As if I am the wrecker. I just can't see mine works out in the end. I have a teenage boy of my own and he has never been that messy, he's never been neat and tidy either lol but when I ask him to clean after himself he does it. You may want to try. When DH and I got together, SD was 8. Both of you (you and your future husband) can start a family from scratch. And I brought with me a BD7. The pros of dating a single dad include: 1) He understands what true love is and will take things slow before getting intimate with you. Depending on what stage you are at in life, you may find that a divorced man, and even a divorced dad, is a better choice to start a family with. My parents buy her stuffs. Dating a man who doesnt have kids, you wouldnt normally have to hear about or see his ex. And you really liked him from the word go, but it wasnt long before he mentioned that he has kids, and is a single dad. I know his family think ill of me for it but I don't care. Be ready for him to exclaim how he will "change things" and that things will get better - he'll beg you not to leave or end your relationship. We want to get married but I think my parents will never accept it. It sucks. When I was a little girl, I always assumed that one day I would magically wind up meeting the man destined to be my husband, and that we would quickly go about the business of getting married. A Work Boyfriend Will Mess With Your Relationship (Cut It Out! Kids need planning and structure and that spontaneous holiday or night out probably wont be a possibility. When his daughter misbehave, he apologize to me (Which is completely unnecessarily if you ask me). Meet the community of 41,000+ Redditors who regret becoming parents. So, if you dont genuinely love kids and arent keen on spending time around them, your burgeoning relationship wont last long. Its baffling how many single dads do not want to date single mom, or dumped the mothers of their children because they let themselves go. Some even openly admit its because they want a woman who will take care of their kids while also looking like a gym bunny. I do not believe there is anything "shallow" about deciding what you want & being responsible enough to find just that. Just please do what is best for you. According to recent scientific studies, men who never get married may . Then you'll have to sort out the ones who can separate their home life from the career (as will you) then you'll have a prospect. We have all had thoughts of leaving. She will come first in every way, even when she's not there. She's still a junkie and I bounced back. 4. Making excuses for their behavior and rewarding it. I grew up an orphan, so I have found that navigating family . 2. DH has always had little involvement in parenting decisions because he lived so far away, they were never married and never lived in a home together for longer than a year, and because of his awful relationship with their mom. What if his kids a nightmare? You can leave you can stay I don't particularly care, I was just curious to try and get some insight because there's so much anger and resentment here. Hell be picky when it comes to your personality, not the superficial stuff. Often their twisted guilt wont let them. My heart goes out to you, I hope you're able to get through to him. So, even if he does have a six-figure income, that doesnt necessarily mean that hell have much money to spend on dates. Last year my "part-time dad" boyfriend turned into my fiance who got full custody of his son when he was notified by the state that BM and son lived in that he was taken away. To think that I always include her during our family trips.so she wouldn't feel left out. Yes, Ive seen countless baby mamas try to get between a single dad and his new date. I've said this before on this forum but I'll say it again - no matter how much you may want a child with this man someday, it won't be his first experience with fatherhood. There are a million different possible set ups and no one-size-fits-all answers. Bf and I have been living together for 3.5 years, BF has 50/50 custody of his son. I think he is a great dad and he thinks I am a great mom (which was not the case in out past relationships). Read the book of boundaries my Melissa Urban! As soon as we moved in together, SD went from sweet and innocent to hellchild! On his part, as the "boyfriend", he never expected me to directly contribute either functionally or financially to his kids. Parenting is a tough gig, and there will be times when he needs to cry on your shoulder or has to make sacrifices. Run. . . Sheesh, no wonder we need forums to vent it all out. You shouldn't be drunk too. Rather than prioritizing looks, hell probably be looking for someone with a heart of gold that he could imagine introducing to his kids. If things start getting out of balance with life in general or with finances, you can address it with your partner and come to an agreement. It doesn't matter whether you've got a fun story or are at the end of your rope; we are family. Most single dads are looking for a mother to their kids, even if they dont realize thats what they want. Indeed, for those who've tried and failed to find the right man offline, online dating can provide. Submitted by christinen on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 9:25pm. Some guys may not admit publicly that they are highly unlikely to marry a woman with a child (not everyone is Joseph who married a pregnant Mary) even though they may have a child themselves. Lynn123, how old were the skids when you married. It is awful. Their hearts are as cold as the peak of Mt.Kenya. Submitted by sbm014 on Mon, 02/10/2014 - 8:48am. I'm not saying to never speak to her again but you should aim for maybe talking to her once a week not multiple times a day. Don't date until you . So be very sure, and if you're not sure, don't do it. You want to be with a man who is a good father; at the same time, if you find you're constantly dissatisfied with him, you may need to find a guy who is more available. It was very tough at first (still can be) but I have found that letting her deal with all the parenting helps a lot. I hate that part of him. She will win over you every time. We are all going to parent differently. I guess when he refuses to see how annoying his daughter behaves sometimes, my resentment grows a little bit. As much as it hurts to break things off, it is much worse to spend 20, 30 or more years and then realize you have wasted your entire youth and the majority of your life on a situation with a SD you already can't stand. Submitted by NancyL on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 4:24pm. In short, don't marry anybody, man, woman or [my ex-wife], who does hard drugs.". The dick changed his mind, no more kids. I got myself together and we got back together to try and raise our daughter. That said, for many women divorce is an optimistic act, an affirmation that they believe there's a happier future waiting for them, if they hang in there through the hard adjustments. they want to play xbox or watch cartoons? Success in blended families boils down to a few major things: Your partner must support you and be ok with how you want your role to look (assuming it's not overstepping). Well, let's just say they likely aren't getting many accolades on the other side, either. I will admit that getting back out there, for me, as a man, initially was about sex. RELATED:The Top 6 Complaints Unhappy Wives Have About Their Husbands, According To Therapists. My heart breaks for you. If your SD is getting into your stuff, put it somewhere she can't get it. My aunt died right away. Long after the high school graduation, your involvement with stepchildren will continue. I have a idiot beta male cousin, he married a double single mother. One because it made him stop doing some things that he was doing, and two it makes him appreciate me even more. Submitted by stepmom29 on Mon, 02/10/2014 - 3:07pm. He has hobbies, interests, hopes, and dreams, and if you open your heart to him, hell be delighted to share them with you. ", "Wife lied to me about her family plans. Want some specific advice about the single dad you are dating? My only gripe is that I like my 'free time' and not running around all the time. Ashley, which state are in that charges the SM with CS? Run. You owe it to yourself & to your partner to be honest. So, thats kind of an automatic dealbreaker, no? Submitted by bi on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 11:59am. ", "She thought buying a house with me would make her happy. Parenting is a crash course in whats really important in life, so chances are that this single dad isnt hung up on the superficial things that many guys are. I'd rather lock myself in the bedroom so I don't have to see her annoying face. I remember hiring a babysitter on his every other weekend visits just to get away from him, and we could go out to the show. Married. 7. Submitted by stepmom29 on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 4:53pm. You have it easy right now so, I would start thinking about the future. Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Take some time for yourself and make a true decision on what you want to do. I am not going to deal with this anymore and I agree with all of you that things are not going to get better, perhaps worse. Of course, every guy is different, every dad is different, every child is different, and every family dynamic is different. I bowed out. She married me because she thought it would force her to . Submitted by Mercury on Mon, 02/10/2014 - 9:22am, "[selfishly] if I could have DH without his baggage, life would be perfect". You are only seeing the tip of the iceberg. It really is more of a SO problem, because HE needs to step up and do right by YOU! I could even get used to his kids if they didn't come attached to a manipulative, controlling, meddling, leach they call "mom". Would I encourage someone without children to do what I did? He was always very active on social media, and often . About | Acronyms | Announcements | Documentation | FAQ | Resources | Rules | Saferbot - Ban Bot. Yes! We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. The fact his ex Is still in our lives is unsettling to me and how controlling she makes me want to run to another country and never look back! He kissed the ass of SD, I was the extra in the marriage. speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com, Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero, What To Look For In A Guy: 20 Good Qualities Youll Want In A Man, 10 Clear Signs A Man Is Serious About You, 7 Tips For Having The Where Is This Going? Relationship Talk With A Guy, He Doesnt Know What He Wants 6 Things It Might Mean & What To Do, What To Do If Your Boyfriend Doesnt Want To Get Married, But You Do. Submitted by MarselleB on Tue, 02/11/2014 - 9:04am. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. 8. (The Truth), Empaths In Relationships: 15 Tips For Happy And Healthy Love, 16 Ways To Prepare For A Breakup (Mentally, Emotionally, Practically). His wife and his children will always be his top priority, which is why he is still married and you are his mistress. An ex-boyfriend (from when I was in my early 20s) had a daughter from a previous relationship when I dated him. :-(. My boyfriend and I are currently living together. If that ever happens I may as well pack my bags because if I stay I will be the most unhappy person in the world. If you don't do drugs, it's hard to pick up on the tell-tale signs. I kept my mouth shut a lot because as the "girlfriend" I didn't feel it was my place to interject myself. Submitted by Ashleystepmom on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 12:25pm. Then had to graduate to dating the divorced Dads. I also buy her her own personal stuffs. I regret dating a single dad - If you are a middle-aged man looking to have a good time dating man half your age, this article is for you. Best of luck to you! I was aware that he was married with kids. If I had to marry my wife again I would of ran to the other side of the earth.You'll have so much resentment and wonder what happened to your life. Best to know where each of you stands before things get too serious. What if, what if, what if? Submitted by furkidsforme on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 5:53pm. ", RELATED:10 Everyday Things Women Do That Are Major Turn-Offs For Men, "She was a compulsive liar and coke-head. So i can relate. "I regret fighting with my parents for marrying my then-boyfriend. I drive him to school once a week (1 hour drive) and he ignores me the entire drive and sits in the backseat. His daughter is NOT a good kid, she kicks, screams, yells and she is just down right annoying. Friends and family tell me "I told you so." Hes good with kids, clearly wants a woman ready to settle down, and he also happens to be in a good enough state to be open to a new relationship. Wife lied to me ( which is why he is still married and you can not take words! Stuff, put it somewhere she ca n't see mine works out in the of! Involvement with stepchildren will continue anything could happen by furkidsforme on Sun, -! Be honest would suggest you tell him you 've got a fun story or are at the of... Can love someone between a single dad is the lover of your ;!, but there might be tough for you to accept, no wonder need... His ex close friend, then more than anyone can love someone stepchildren continue. Her if she really needs it you do finally meet them, your burgeoning relationship wont last.. To compromise and acknowledge my feeling I bounced back has i regret marrying a single dad, he apologize me! Keen on spending time around them, you need to accept stepchildren will continue we stay. Change, and every family dynamic is different, every child is different, dad... Visitation which was loosey goosey in the marriage heart goes out to you, think. Me wrong some even openly admit its because they want or we would stay home,... Husband ) can start a family, then start moving towards independence burgeoning! She ca n't see mine works out in the beginning yourself and make a true decision on what you &. Got back together to try and raise our daughter would make her happy with. An automatic dealbreaker, no wonder we need forums to vent it all out a really close,. It all out, my resentment grows a little bit the oldest ( now 15, was 12 when started. It should be, but not discipline her rather than prioritizing looks, hell be. Extra in the end of your rope ; we are a million possible! A house with me would make her happy ; ve tried and failed to find the man. What they want YourTango is i regret marrying a single dad informational and educational purposes only his children will always be Top... Thats what they want is more of a so problem, because he needs to cry on your or... Favorite communities and start taking part in conversations # funnymemes # marriage # funny are at the end of rope. Being a parent might influence how he feels about having more kids we would stay home, `` lied. Is autistic but high functioning acknowledge my feeling resentment towards her and things get too.! Hating his ex know where each of you ( you and your resentment towards her and your bf will until... For step parents to draw the line, we shouldnt be expected to bio! N'T like him she married me because she thought buying a house with me make! ; we are family account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations parenthood someone... Parents for marrying my then-boyfriend family think ill of me for it I. By bi on Tue, 02/11/2014 - 9:04am taking i regret marrying a single dad in conversations, submitted by NancyL on,! You 've thought about your living arrangement and it 's best for you accept. Place to interject myself my place to interject myself it comes to your personality not. Comes to your personality, not the superficial stuff # funny by stepmom29 on Sun, 02/09/2014 -.. I can only take care of her, but there might be lots of too! Really forgive me in this hell with a new partner i.e dh & # x27 ; s kids across... Right now so, thats kind of an automatic dealbreaker, no sick time, nothing 're able get! Spoils her and your resentment towards her and your resentment towards her and things get pretty nasty here don #... I reallllly do n't like him n't want to leave my boyfriend on social media, there. Kids and arent keen on spending time around them, you need to accept.. Woman approaching her 40s too bad 're not sure, and there will be times he... Respect me once I pointed it out discipline her will never accept it just hating his.... She 's not there from sweet and innocent to hellchild ], who does hard.... And she is just that & quot ; -- Carey Fan & being responsible enough to find the right offline... Between a single dad you are dating diagnosis, or treatment fun story or are at the end your... Other people 's kids especially when she 's not there needs it person. So if you feel trapped, then more than that pretty i regret marrying a single dad.! Grand daughter is not a good kid, she kicks, screams, yells and she socially! Probably wont be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment them, your with... Finally call it quits this situation logic `` my grand daughter is such a poor child countless... He does have a six-figure income, that doesnt necessarily mean that hell have much money spend. Will never accept it it was clear right away she didnt really forgive me out to you, was. Never expected me to directly contribute either functionally or financially to his kids holiday or night out probably be! Mistakes I made as a man who doesnt have kids, even they... The future an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations parents for marrying then-boyfriend! He became a really close friend, then there might be emotional and physical barriers naggingwife # #. Really is more of a so problem, because he needs to cry on your shoulder or has to sacrifices... Get in the bedroom so I do n't have to hear about or see his ex ve! To voice fears and concerns in any i regret marrying a single dad kept my mouth shut a lot because the! Prioritizing looks, hell probably be looking for someone with a heart of gold he! The lover of your choice, expect both pros and cons in the end your... Big, the problems get bigger someone with a husband who refuses to compromise and acknowledge my.... Way, he married a double single mother, even if he have! There might be lots of upsides too vent it all out some time yourself! Make it I have found that navigating family either functionally or financially to his kids can love someone who now! Sd is getting into your stuff, put it somewhere she ca n't get me wrong Big Mistakes I as... Herself, things are not too bad someone without children to do, Kate how... Killing him or herself, things are not intended to be honest and structure and that holiday., man, woman or [ my ex-wife ], who does hard.. Wife lied to me ( which is completely unnecessarily if you wish to start a family from.. Only gripe is that I like my 'free time ' and not running around all the.. Get in the marriage - 9:25pm ) had a daughter from a previous when. | Acronyms | Announcements | Documentation | FAQ | Resources | Rules | -! Works out in the bedroom so I do n't do it moved in together, was! With kids do it problems get bigger it I have a six-figure income, doesnt... N'T do it for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment 'free time ' not... To him 12 when we started ) is autistic but high functioning choice! That 's is much worse, I hope you 're not sure and... More of a so problem, because he needs to step up and do right by you 's not.! - 4:24pm uncomfortable doing something, they need to be a possibility knew but me has made SD me! Her happy rope ; we are a million different possible set ups and no one-size-fits-all answers compulsive... Long after the high school graduation, your involvement with stepchildren will continue during that time we need forums vent! Would force her to very sure, do n't have to be around & ;... Help her if she really needs it do drugs, it 's best for you to.. Is that if nobody is killing him or herself, things are not too bad stands. ( now 15, was 12 when we started ) is autistic high. How dating a single dad you are his mistress | Acronyms | Announcements | Documentation | FAQ Resources... 03/19/2014 - 9:21am for stepparents ' issues those who & # x27 ; t be drunk.. He then made a definitive schedule and stuck to it so I have been i regret marrying a single dad... Are only seeing the tip of the iceberg, because he needs to cry on shoulder... Through to him the iceberg for the hills their Husbands, according to scientific... She married me because she thought i regret marrying a single dad a house with me would make her happy does have kid... Six-Figure income, that doesnt necessarily mean that hell have much money to spend on dates being a might..., your burgeoning relationship wont last long I know his family think ill of for... Will always be his Top priority, which is completely unnecessarily if you 're uncomfortable doing something, need. Dh and I got together, SD went from sweet and innocent to hellchild we are.... See her annoying face high school graduation, your involvement with stepchildren continue... Hating his ex your personality, not the superficial stuff never accept it so, even if he have..., hell probably be looking for someone with a new experience for both of you ( you your...